


He'd Broken Them Both

by DaniMeows



Series: Couples Therapy [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Season 2 AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-12 04:14:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7085215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniMeows/pseuds/DaniMeows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jemma had set down her mug of tea and stood up and looked him in the eyes. Her voice was quiet, a sign that she was close to breaking. He hated himself just for that as he remembered how broken her voice was.  It was devoid of any warmth as she told him; “If that’s how you really feel goodbye, Dr. Fitz.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	He'd Broken Them Both

**Author's Note:**

> from a headcanon verse I use when I can’t sleep or I really need to listen to music on you tube while I dance.
> 
> I still haven’t seen season 2 or three, so my brain conjures different not quite canon versions of the FS divorce and this particular verse keeps showing up in my head.

Dr. Fitz, that was what Jemma called him now. He wasn’t worthy of the other names and variations of his name that she’d once lavished upon him. At this point, he’d even rather a Leopold than another Dr. Fitz said in that cold polite tone and only when she needed to acknowledge him.

He’d lost the privilege of hearing the other names and he knew it was his fault. He was her best friend, he should have let her talk to him, to explain, like she’d tried to do. She would have talked about the letter. He would have found about the letter. He would have told her that he hadn’t read it and then he would have rushed to his room and read the words that she’d written to him before she’d left and he’d hallucinated an imaginary Jemma to keep him company. He would have known that she was coming back and that she doubted his love for her.

Then the only problem he’d have to solve would be how to convince the woman he hadn’t realized he loved until that awful day that she jumped out of a plane, that he was in love with her.

Now there were so many problems and he was terrified that he’d never again hear any names for him other than Dr. Fitz fall from her lips.

Leo had vanished first, when he’d mistaken their compatibility and his need for her presence and smiles and his utter jealousy if another male so much as hinted that he wanted to spend time with his best friend as just friendship. He remembers the light in her eyes that had died out and the distance that had appeared on that day he’d told her that he’d only loved her as a friend. Leo had disappeared and he was just Fitz or Doctor Fitzy if she was being playful.

But now, Fitz and Doctor Fitzy were gone too. Yesterday he’d gone too far and had done what his mum had always warned he’d do if he didn’t learn to control his temper. He’d lost it. He’d screamed at her for leaving him, for coming back and trying to be his friend, for not staying in the first place. He’d let it all out. All of his frustrations, hurt, and rage. He’d told her that he didn’t want to be her partner in science nor her friend any longer.

And just like the first time, when he’d lost the privilege of hearing Leo said in her warm, happy, loving voice, he’d watched a light in her eyes die.

Everyone, those who’d agreed with him in thinking the worst of Jemma (and weren’t they all wrong for it!) and those who’d been either neutral or who’d known the truth had fallen silent.

Jemma had set down her mug of tea and stood up and looked him in the eyes. Her voice was quiet, a sign that she was close to breaking. He hated himself just for that as he remembered how broken her voice was. It was devoid of any warmth as she told him; “If that’s how you really feel goodbye, Dr. Fitz.”

Then she’d added for the record and told him and everyone that wasn’t even trying to pretend that they weren’t listening as a friendship and partnership that had always seemed unbreakable was shattered to dust, about the damn letter.

She’d walked out of the room, head held high. Ignoring his frantic calling of her name. He’d been desperate to take it all back. But he’d gone too far and she was walking away. This time she was leaving him and worst of all she was doing exactly what he’d told her he’d wanted.

He’d run to his room and after he’d tossed papers and various things off his desk until he’d found that damned letter. It had stabbed him with words that had hurt him terribly. There was such warm and affection in her tone. She’d spoken of her belief and faith in him. Of her belief in his recovery, of the fact that his doctors felt that she was hindering his recovery because she knew what he’d say before he said more than a word and a hand gesture, of the fact that Coulson had a project that he’d needed a biochemist on… then she’d told him of her feelings about what he’d said in the pod and how she felt uncertain of them because he hadn’t said the words that she’d once said to him and still felt and probably always would.

Maybe, she was right to doubt his love for her. He certainly hadn’t proved it with his actions.

Jemma loved him. In her own words, written in that damn letter that if he’d not been such a bloody slob like he always was and had seen it when he was meant to would have led to him proving his love for Jemma. But it was probably too late for him to prove it now. She said she’d always love him but that was before he’d ripped everything to pieces with his words. Would she still tell him that now or had he finally in all his years of being in denial of his not platonic love for his best friend and saying various hurtful things in ear shot of her, finally killed her love for him?

He didn’t know what to do. He knew for certain that he hated the words Dr. Fitz with a passion.

He wanted to get down on his knees in front of her and beg her to tell him how to fix this. He wanted to promise her everything and anything if she’d just hug him and let them both cry until things were better. He wanted to tell her that he’d make her an entire army of robotic servants to do everything that kept her from focusing on a life of science if she’d just forgive him.

He wanted to call his mother and beg her to help him fix this. He’d done something stupid in his hurt and anger but there had to be a way to convince Jemma Simmons to give him one more chance to fix this and prove that he loved her.

He had a feeling that Jemma would merely walk away. He’d said all he had to say. And Jemma hadn’t felt the need to add any words to it.

His mother on the other hand would tell him that he was an idiot and that he’d let the best thing that had ever happened to him walk away from him…

And he had. He feared that this time she wouldn’t be walking towards him for any reason other than business. He had to fix this but he didn’t know how. And this time it wasn’t something they could fix together. Because he’d broken them both.


End file.
